MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE

Dear Rabbi

I’m feeling overwhelmed with life. I have family commitments, work commitments. I have other dreams and aspirations. I recently joined as a member of the board of my synagogue and my wife says I should step down as there’s not enough time to do everything and I need to prioritise. Personally, I feel like I want to give back to my community. How do I know what to do first? Isn’t being involved in community a high priority endeavour?

Shalom

Dear Shalom

What is it they say? “Many people will panic to find a charger before their phone dies but won’t panic to find a plan before their dream dies.” Prioritising is essential. In a world brimming with distractions and fleeting urgencies, the most vital commitment you can make is to your dreams. It’s easy to get swept up in the immediate – the dying phone battery, the overflowing inbox – but true fulfilment lies in the pursuit of your deepest aspirations.

But here’s where you have to step up: To make your dreams a priority, you must first acknowledge their worth. Write them down, visualise the end goal. Prioritising in life means cutting through the noise to focus on what truly matters. It’s about discerning the essential from the trivial, aligning your daily actions with your deepest values and long-term goals. Start by identifying your core priorities – whether it’s career advancement, personal growth, health, relationships or indeed community. Break these down into actionable steps and allocate your time accordingly, ensuring the most important tasks receive your prime energy. Say no to distractions. Regularly reassess your priorities to stay aligned with your aspirations. Remember the importance of both community and family. By mastering the art of prioritisation you’ll live a life of meaning and fulfilment.

KEEP YOUR CIRCLE SMALL

Dear Rabbi

I am a young Jewish girl in a Jewish secondary school. I don’t have the guts to ask this of anyone else but I am having the guts to write to you. I hope you will read this and be able to answer me. I just finished my GCSE’s and I am going into A levels. That should give you an idea about my age. In our school everyone has their own friends group. It’s cliquey but that’s the way it is. I recently found out that several of my friends in our group were speaking badly behind my back. I feel like I am not wanted there anymore and either way I don’t want to be there anymore. I am trying to get into another group but they’re so cliquey I don’t see them ever inviting me in.

Daniella

Dear Daniella

I am so sorry you are going through this. The first and most important thing I need you to think about is speaking to a school counsellor. I know school has ended for the summer but I am sure they would look to accommodate you in order to help you. You are at a most important milestone in your school life and you shouldn’t have to undergo unnecessary drama.

I am well aware of school “friend’s groups” as I have had daughters of my own in school. (Guys just play football and get on with it). It can be cliquey and sometimes even very challenging. As much as I genuinely urge you to speak to someone about this, I am nevertheless going to offer you a little anecdote to think about:

A young girl asked her elderly grandmother: “Do I really need friends in life?” The grandmother responded: “Yes. Life is truly very rough. There should be someone by your side with whom you can talk for hours without feeling that they would judge you; on whose shoulders you can cry, one who will give you emotional support. When no one will be there for you, they should be there. One who should help you share the good times and overcome the difficult ones.” The young girl asked:

“Is it true that a fake friend is more dangerous than an enemy?” The grandmother responded: “Yes. It’s because you know who your enemy is and you’re not going to let them get close to you. But a false friend is pretending while getting your trust. They find out your vulnerabilities, your secrets and your dreams. They know which button to press and how to stab you in the back.” The young girl asked: “How do I avoid being surrounded by fake friends?” The grandmother paused for a short moment, then asked, “Between a small garden and a forest, which one has more snakes and scorpions?” The young girl responded: “The forest, sure!” The elderly grandmother smiled, and then said: “Good! When you keep your circle of friends small like a small garden, the less snakes and scorpions you have to worry about, even rats. The fewer people you hang out with, the fewer problems you have to deal with. When I was young, I had a very big group of friends. But as I grew old and wise with experience, my circle of friends became smaller. I realised that quality outweighs quantity when it comes to friendship. Don’t fool yourself by holding onto the illusion that everyone is your friend. You may have numerous acquaintances, but real friends will always be just a few people you love and trust. The best way to prevent yourself from falling into the fake friend trap is by being more mindful about the size of your circle.”

Good luck Daniella. If you wrote to me I hope you’ll also follow my advice and maybe you’ll write to me again to let me know how things are working out for you, which I hope they certainly do!